is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Houston, we have a blender
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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