I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
