After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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