i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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