I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize