Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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