friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
