Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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