Your mouth is God's brothel.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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