So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize