if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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