I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Green mimosas i think yes
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
