hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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