hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
