You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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