So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
