I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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