How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
