Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
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