let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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