Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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