i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
