So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
