sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
