2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
