There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
