The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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