Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
