I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i dont even know how to be here
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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