So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
