My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
