So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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