it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
