She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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