I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
