marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
