Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
