my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
