so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize