Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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