Jerry, you need to find god
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
