apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
