He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
