i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
