3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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