Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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