That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
