My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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