Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
