we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
