The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize