He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
