my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
