Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize