It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
