god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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