The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
