his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
