He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
