I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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