Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
