For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
