Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
