I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
