Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I need to calm my uterus...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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