My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize