I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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