I faked an abortion last night.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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