is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
