finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
